Finding yourself making comparisons? Are you spending time micro-managing your boyfriend? Do you find yourself breaking down every. single. thing. he. says? I would guess that these behaviors are making you feel upset and leaving you confused and anxious.
The problem with over-analyzing anyone, especially your partner, is that it is a self-producing cycle. The more your doubt, the more doubt comes! The more you pick apart, the more you can pick on!
Where we incline our minds tends to be where our thoughts will resonate from. Spending time thinking about negative things? You will be able to see them more clearly, understand them more and hear them rattle around in your brain. Focusing on what is positive or working well? Well, those thoughts you will also see more clearly, better understand and hear more clearly!
So how do we specifically stop the tendency to overanalyze in our relationships? Follow these 5 tips:
1. Understand that your desire to over-analyze means you are feeling anxious and ungrounded. This is your issue, not something that will be solved by focusing on your partner. Breathe, ground yourself and then examine if there are things in the relationship that need clairifying.
2. Remember that no one is perfect, and that flaws will naturally come up in relationship. Imperfection is the norm, not the exception. Often we over-analyze when we are approaching relationships from an unrealistic desire for everything to be perfect every second.
3. Check in with yourself and see if true deal breakers are coming up, or you are just getting upset and worried about little stuff that doesn’t really matter. True deal breakers mean you should break up. The little stuff is likely just part of the above-mentioned flaws we all get to enjoy in relationships.
4. When in doubt, instead of obsessing, ask. Ask when you don’t understand something, get more information, clarify what you heard or thought you heard. Ask instead of assume and over-analyze.
5. Finally, try to relax into what is enjoyable in the relationship. Picking apart your partner is a drag. It leaves you feeling crummy, uncertain and upset. Instead, try to incline that mind of yours towards what you do enjoy, what he does do well, and the parts of the relationship that bring you joy.